I have made a fake me out of a paper mache head I used for a Halloween costume, so now people will think I am sewing. Of course, it doesn't actually sew anything so my evil scheme needs a bit of polishing, I suppose.
Speaking of evil schemes, I went to the fancy-schmanciest bridal shop over the weekend for some undercover work. The reason is simple: I am re-creating a designer gown and wanted to go have a look at a similar dress, steal its secrets, run away, and not get caught. Oh, and please no lectures on copyrights and integrity and such as I already have a mom.
Before going to the shop, I enlisted the help of a friend who also has quite a bit of fashion knowledge including the manufacturing side. Super-double bonus, she can out-snooty the best of them. I had been warned by several people that this shop is too cool for school and since I suck at being assertive, I opted to not go alone.
We arrived, and in 5 minutes had an elaborate story in place that included a trip to Rome for a very posh wedding in the fall. It was a work of art. Here's the problem. I tend to be a bit overzealous to vocalize my knowledge, so having to pretend not to know about alterations and various aspects of dresses took some effort.
So, friend picks the dress in question and a couple others to try on. I force myself to sit and act all maid-of-honor-ey while secreting away notes in my head. The funniest part? My friend knew all the details I needed to know, so she managed to find out some seriously detailed info while appearing to just be into the dress. We're talking the number of layers of tulle. She is made of win. I went ahead and accessed every bride trying on dress conversation I witnessed and said the appropriate things without even thinking about it. Sad, no?
I guess that the high budget she had for her "wedding" got the shop girls frothing at the mouths for commissions, so about 20 minutes in we had three girls helping us and using misplaced adjectives* while talking about how if you are drawn to quality, you will seek it out. What does that even mean? I can't diagram that sentence because it is so idiotic. If you are drawn to something, do you have to seek it out? Personally, my favorite part was when one of them was going on and on about the lace used on a dress and how it was patented because it was so amazing. Honey, I hate to break it to you, but that lace is used by a couple other designers and I have looked at it for way too many hours not to recognize it. Granted, it's pretty, but come on. Patented.
I do have to say that I was a little frightened by how easily my friend was able to come up with crazy bride syndrome. Talking about how the wedding had to be on the 13th of a month because it's always been her favorite number and how she is getting married in Italy so she can exclude all the "bitches" she doesn't like. Thankfully, when we got back in the car she dropped the act and started laughing about how the shop girls were tripping over themselves over how fancy she was and give me crap about knowing what eyelash lace was. Not to fear, I bought her super fancy cookies as a reward.
*Nothing gets on my nerves quite so much as expressions like "elegant but simple", "couture" and "vintage" by people who have no idea of what they really mean, but use them as a way of trying to sound smart. Stabby.