I was reminded today of the deep love I have for mocking hideous wedding dresses. Particularly expensive dresses. Some highly couture dresses are just too easy to mock, so I tend to steer clear of those (no one actually buys them, after all...it's more about an artistic statement), but there is something about completely trashing a gown that someone would actually spend thousands of dollars on that leaves me all warm and squishy inside.
So here is what I propose. Each Friday I will be trashing a couple dresses. Ideally, I would love to have people submit pictures for me to mock. Especially actual wedding pictures (I will blur out faces and such). They don't even have to be obviously ugly. I can find the hideous in just about everything. I'm basically a reverse Mr. Rogers.
Not sure about this? Well let's give it a go, shall we?
This week's dresses are designed by Atelier Aimée. I don't know anything about this designer, other than her dresses run in excess of $6000. What can 6k get you? how about this?
When even the model looks squat and hippey (I have no idea how one would spell this made-up word), you have a serious problem. She even looks like she's begining to say "Shut up, you guys!" It's like she wrapped herself in the tablecloth, including those fancy doilies, threw a bodice on that did nothing to balance the proportions, then, failing to draw attention away from her trouble spots, added a big clump of silk flowers to add insult to injury. Verdict: C-
Fun, right? Let's do another one!
Who told Helena Bonham Carter this was a good idea? (Seriously, does this not look like a young HBC? It so does, shut up!) Lets take mommy's fancy corset, raise the top 3 inches so it is totally not slutty anymore, oh, but leave it kinda sheer, and how to complete the look? Oh, I KNOW! Stick a giant cotton ball on the bottom. Don't forget the ill-placed silk flowers. I can't emphasize enough how much I believe in silk flowers. It's not the worst dress in the world, but it sure isn't the best. Verdict: C
Gah! It's like the can can saloon girl and the Degas ballerina got together and had a hideous child, then stuck a flowered wreath on it's head. Wedding gowns should never have an apron. Verdict:D-
Wow. Just. No. The lace tights. The Auntie Mame/Norma Desmond hat. The visible girdle. The mullet skirt. It's sad when the silk flowers are the least offensive part of the dress. Also, I'm pretty sure I had those same heels when I was 9. Plastic heel, came in a barbie box? Yup, same ones. Verdict: Burn it!
Ah...sweet, healing snark. So what is your verdict? Do you want a weekly snark? What should it be called? How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?