Wednesday, April 7, 2010

The nightmare returns

There are days when I love my job. The fabulousness of working in pj's while watching movies and sewing seems to lull me into a gentle peace. The birds seem to sing just for me, the air is crisp and sweet, and even the sun seems a bit brighter in the delicate blue sky.

Today is not that day. Remember this bride? Well she's back, and what's more, so is her mom. Apparently, her mom is concerned with how a bit of fabric is laying on the bust. Now, normally I wouldn't mind so much. Here is what makes me twitch like I have a Gom Jabbar pointed at my tender bits.

1- She had her bridal pictures done two weeks ago

2- She decided not to bring the dress by to be fixed until two hours ago

3- She is getting married ON FRIDAY!

4- She expects to pick it up tomorrow at 1 (not happening princess!)


Oh, and on top of that I am in my busiest season of the year (hence the less frequent posting) and can't just drop everything to fix a nit-picky little issue that the bride doesn't even care about. There are 11 dresses crammed into my studio right now. Guess who is just a number to me right now.

I therefore offer this letter to all the brides who think that their dress is the only dress in all of Christmas Town:

Dear pretty pretty princess brides,

Despite what you may have learned from your idiot parents or sycophantic friends or some facebook quiz, the world continues it's orbit around Sol, not you. You are so worried about tiny details of your dress that no one else will ever notice or care about. Honestly, most people are just showing up for the free food and to see if a disaster happens (oh they want disaster to happen. Your wedding is just a fancier Nascar to them). Your floofy meringue will attract there attention for approximately 2.74 minutes (it's true cause it's science!) and I guarantee they will never notice if the buttons down the back are all pointing the exact same direction.

You want to know the truth? No one cares. Even a very beautiful wedding will be talked about for all of 2 minutes after the fact. That is what your tens of thousands of dollars are getting you. 2 minutes. Course, I guess that's enough for some girls (boo-ya!).

More importantly, I don't care about your dress. Don't get me wrong, I care about doing a good job and getting paid. Sure, I want you to be happy with what I've done, but I don't sit at home on your wedding day wringing my hands together hoping that everyone tells you how lovely it is or asking who did your alterations (no one ever asks, anyway). I am probably sitting at home on my couch watching a movie and enjoying a tasty beverage. I don't suddenly sit upright, sniff the air and exclaim, "Ah! AshlyynKenzyyeLeigh is now married. Huzzah*!"

With all that in mind, please do the world a favor and shut the hell up. This goes for you too moms, grandmas and all other annoying bridal party people. I checked my calendar and it doesn't say anywhere that it is "your day." The rest of us have lives of our own that don't involve you or your cookie cutter wedding and we tend to want to keep it that way.

Your Sewing Bitch

*Ok, I might actually exclaim "Huzzah!", but I assure you it is merely coincidental.


  1. I think you've picked up on something here--people love to go to the really fancy weddings, not for the food, or the people involved, but for the disaster waiting to happen! The fancier the wedding--the bigger the disaster could be!
    Besides, how many wedding invitations do we get from mere acquaintances--who I'm sure are just fishing for gifts. What happened to weddings being simple and involving those who really care? I had a few people tell me to invite as many people as I can because I would get more gifts. Really?? WTH!?

  2. Gom Jabbar? Seriously? I had to look up that Dune reference, you geek!


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